If you have ADHD, you may have a hard time with emotional regulation. Some ways you can regulate your emotions include the R.A.I.N and F.O.U.L methods, as well as acknowledging both your emotions and your triggers.
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Billy Roberts is a certified ADHD therapist and a member of the American Professional Society for ADHD and Related Disorders (APSARD).
He says that “ADHD and [emotional] dysregulation are deeply connected. This is because the wiring of the ADHD brain makes emotional regulation a challenge.”
Emotional dysregulation occurs when a person isn’t able to control their emotional responses. This is
“Simply put, ADHD takes away the brain’s pause button,” Roberts explains. “For many adults with ADHD, it can feel like a roller coaster inside.
“It’s not that the person with ADHD’s emotions are wrong; it’s more so that when they feel, they do so quickly and deeply, and are more prone to express intense feelings publicly than someone without ADHD.”
A public display of emotion can intensify the dysregulation that caused it in the first place.
“If an ADHD person expresses an emotion in the wrong context, they might then experience follow-up emotions of guilt or shame,” Roberts adds.
Emotional dysregulation in ADHD can look different for everyone. You may or may not experience all of the following:
Examples of emotional dysregulation
- experiencing intense emotions, such as anger outbursts or high anxiety
- crying in response to a variety of feelings, even happiness
- being unable to take your focus away from your emotions
- feelings that seem out-of-proportion
- mood swings and unpredictable emotions
- a low tolerance for frustrating situations
- being unaware of other people’s feelings
- having trouble calming yourself
- focusing on negative thoughts and feelings
- being overly excited
There are a variety of ways you can manage emotional dysregulation:
7-11 breathing
If you are experiencing an unwanted intense emotion, it can help to just stop and breathe. You can practice the 7-11 breathing method:
- Breathe in for the count of 7
- Hold for 7
- Breathe out for 11
- Repeat until you feel calm again
R.A.I.N method
The R.A.I.N method is a mindfulness technique you can use when you experience an intense emotion or an uncomfortable situation. It is as follows:
- Recognize what’s happening. Identify the thoughts and emotions you are feeling. Name and label them. For example, you may be feeling “anger,” “disappointment,” or “stress.”
- Allow thoughts and feelings to exist. Allow yourself to have your thoughts and feel your emotions. Remind yourself that you do not necessarily have to enjoy or act upon every emotion or thought.
- Investigate with care. Ask yourself why you’re feeling this way, how it started, and how you can manage it. Ask yourself these things gently and without judgment.
- Non-identification. Try to detach your identity from your emotions and let yourself experience them without allowing them to define you.
F.O.U.L method
Like the R.A.I.N method, the F.O.U.L method can help you process your emotions during an uncomfortable situation. Here is what to do:
- Fact-Check. Try to differentiate between the facts and assumptions you have in a situation. Assumptions may push you to act rashly.
- Opposite Urge. If your emotions are tied to your assumptions, taking an action that opposes your instinct may be helpful. For example, if you feel like someone is criticizing you, ask them for clarification instead of snapping back.
- Leave. Sometimes, the best thing you can do in a difficult situation is simply to remove yourself from it. It is OK to walk away from a situation that is not serving you, and you do not owe anyone an explanation.
Know your triggers
When you experience intense emotions, stop and ask yourself what may have caused you to feel that way.
You may also consider keeping a log of how you are feeling. This can help you identify any potential triggers, and if there is a pattern between certain activities and how you feel afterwards.
As you do this, you may find that certain triggers cannot be avoided. This can include feeling nervous after a work call or feeling stressed as a deadline approaches.
You can prepare yourself emotionally beforehand. For example, you may find some benefit in giving yourself additional prep time before an important work call to write out your feelings.
Sometimes, a trigger can come up without warning, such as a co-worker crossing your boundaries. In this instance, you may consider taking a few minutes alone to practice a breathing method and otherwise collect yourself. After this, list out actions you can take to prevent it from happening again.
Acknowledge your feelings
How you feel is valid. Everyone reacts to situations differently, and it is OK if your feelings about something are different from those of someone else.
At the end of the day, having emotions is just a part of being human. Accepting them, instead of trying to change or ignore them, can allow you to process them.
To help you process your emotions, you may find it helpful to write everything down in a journal.
If you live with ADHD and experience emotional dysregulation, there are many people who share your experience.
Some ways you can combat emotional dysregulation include deep breathing, acknowledging your feelings, and removing yourself from uncomfortable situations.
Therapy can also be an effective approach to improving emotional regulation.
