Emotional self-regulation is the ability to think before you act, which can help you view situations more positively. Developing this skill takes practice, and you can help through strategies that include mindfulness, adequate sleep, and exercise.
Most people have said or done something at some point in their lives that they wish they could take back. The ability to think before you act is an important part of emotional self-regulation.
Emotional self-regulation is a learned skill that becomes easier with age. However, its roots form during childhood.
Read on to learn more about emotional self-regulation and tips you can use to help achieve it.
This 2022 research review defines emotional self-regulation as modifying or controlling one’s thoughts, emotions, actions, and words. Self-regulating one’s emotional state can prevent one from saying or doing things that might hurt others or oneself.
Impulsive behaviors can significantly damage personal and professional relationships. Emotional self-regulation lets you pause before you do or say something harmful that may prevent you from achieving short- or long-term goals.
Emotional self-regulation requires self-control, but it’s much more than simple self-policing. It also includes reframing challenging or disappointing experiences in positive ways and living according to your core value system.
Why is it important?
Emotional self-regulation is an important part of empathy, and it improves with practice over time.
You may find this useful for some of these reasons:
- Regulating your feelings and reactions gives you time to listen and consider other people’s feelings.
- It helps you handle disappointment and react rationally to changes that are out of your control.
- It doesn’t eliminate anger, sadness, or disappointment, but it can offer a framework for addressing those emotions.
- It stops you from making things worse by reacting recklessly or impulsively to situations you can’t control.
- Emotional self-regulation allows people of all ages to calmly and rationally resolve conflict.
- It supports emotional well-being, calmness, and serenity.
Extreme stress and overwhelming emotion can interfere with emotional self-regulation, making it especially difficult to maintain.
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Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a technique used during meditation. It refers to the practice of focusing your attention on the now, rather than on the past or future. It’s a gentle strategy that enables your brain to let go of worry, guilt, and anxiety.
A 2022 study found that practicing mindfulness as an emotional self-regulation technique reduced feelings of loneliness in older adults and helped boost their immune systems.
You can learn more about mindfulness here.
Cognitive reappraisal
Cognitive reappraisal, also known as cognitive reevaluation, is an emotional self-regulation strategy that involves changing the way one thinks about and reacts to a potentially triggering situation.
Changing how you interpret stressful occurrences has been shown to reduce stress and increase positive feelings.
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Emotion suppression
Emotional suppression tamps down your emotions but doesn’t shift them. It postpones feeling them, which causes them to fester and grow. This self-regulation technique doesn’t alter your emotional state. It merely stops you from expressing how you feel to others.
Emotion suppression can be helpful in de-escalating potentially challenging situations. However, it will not improve emotional self-regulation in the long term.
It may also cause or worsen depression. Depression is an emotion dysregulation disorder that adversely affects your quality of life and ability to employ social skills effectively.
You can strengthen and bolster emotional self-regulation through self-awareness and daily practice. These tips may help:
- Get enough sleep: It’s easier to “fly off the handle” when you’re exhausted. Reducing insomnia by practicing good sleep hygiene can help.
- Eat well: You may have heard the expression “hangry,” which combines the words “hungry” and “angry.” Eating nutritious food at regular intervals can help you avoid hunger. Being hungry can make you irritable and quicker to anger.
- Exercise: Physical activity has many benefits, including helping reduce anxiety. This may help you cope more effectively with stressful situations.
- Meditation: Practicing mindfulness through meditation can help increase coping skills and positively affect your health.
- Practice pausing: If someone says or does something upsetting, take several deep breaths before you automatically respond. This can help de-escalate situations that may become damaging or dangerous. One way to do this is to let go of the desire to “win” every encounter or argument.
- Acknowledge your emotions: If you’re having trouble coping or are dealing with feelings such as depression, anxiety, and loneliness, consider talking with a therapist. You can also try at-home strategies such as journaling or talking with a trusted friend.
When to seek professional help
If you’re having trouble dealing with your emotions or meeting your long-term goals, talking with a therapist or other type of mental health professional may be beneficial.
Emotional dysregulation can lead to harmful behaviors, such as drug or alcohol misuse or sex addiction. It can also reduce your ability to have close, meaningful relationships.
Professional support can help you improve your emotional self-regulation skills and achieve greater fulfillment.
- For immediate help in an emergency situation, dial 911.
- Call or text 988 to be connected to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
- For mental health or substance use concerns, reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
- Find a therapist through the National Register of Health Service Psychologists or the American Psychological Association’s psychologist locator.
Emotional self-regulation gives you the ability to think before you act. It also enables you to view situations in a more positive way.
Acquiring emotional self-regulation takes practice. Strategies such as mindfulness, getting enough sleep, and exercising may help.
If you’re having trouble managing your emotions or anger, you may also find it helpful to consult a therapist or mental health professional.