Asking for support from others when living with breast cancer can help you manage your stress and focus on your recovery. However, for many, asking for help might not be easy.
If you’re living with breast cancer, you may know that keeping up with treatment can feel like a full-time job. In the past, you may have felt comfortable doing many things without assistance, like looking after your family, working long hours, and keeping an active social life.
But with advanced breast cancer, you might have to make some changes. If you try to do everything on your own, it may increase your stress and interfere with recovery. One great option? Ask for help!
Asking for help may make you feel less capable and more dependent, but the opposite is true. If you can ask for help, you’re self-aware and mindful of your limitations. Once you acknowledge you need assistance, here are some tips on how to get it.
Asking for help is not a character flaw or an indication that you’re not doing all you can. In this case, it means that you accept the reality of your situation.
Many of your friends and loved ones might want to help but not know how. They may be afraid to upset you by seeming pushy. Requesting their assistance can give them a sense of purpose and give you a helping hand.
Decide which items are necessary and which fall into the “would be nice” category. Ask for help with the former and put the latter on hold.
Make a list of everyone who has offered to help and everyone you’ve asked for assistance. This list will ensure that you avoid relying on a few people too much while excluding others.
Ask people to help with tasks that fit their capabilities, interests, and schedules when possible. You likely do not expect a friend to miss work repeatedly to drive your kids to and from school.
Your 20-year-old brother may have difficulty making dinner but may help you walk the dogs and pick up your prescriptions.
Even the most well-intentioned friend may make vague offers of assistance and not follow up. Try not to assume the offer was insincere. They might have to learn what you need or how to provide it. They might be waiting for a specific request from you.
If someone asks what they can do to help, tell them! Be as specific as possible. For example, “Can you please pick up Lauren from ballet class on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4:30 p.m.?”
You may also need physical or emotional support on treatment days. Ask them if they’d be willing to spend the night with you on treatment days.
If your best friend offers to care for the children two evenings a week, it’s a good idea not to assume they know how things work at your house.
Let them know the kids typically eat dinner at 7 p.m. and are in bed by 9 p.m. Providing clear, detailed instructions can ease some of their worries and prevent miscommunication or confusion.
Maybe that’s not how you’d fold the laundry or cook dinner, but it’s still getting done. What’s most important is that you get the help you need and that your support group knows how much you appreciate it.
Creating a private online site to organize friends, family, and colleagues can ease some of the awkwardness of directly asking for help.
Some cancer support websites like CaringBridge.org make coordinating activities and managing volunteers easy. You can use the site to post requests for meals for the family, rides to medical appointments, or visits from a friend.
Lotsa Helping Hands has a calendar to assign meal deliveries and coordinate rides to appointments. The site will also send reminders and help coordinate logistics automatically so everything runs smoothly.
You can also set up your help page on social media platforms like Facebook.
If you’ve recently been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer, it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed by this news.
While nothing can truly make this easier, reaching out for support and accepting help can lighten some of the burden.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey — your loved ones want to be there for you in any way they can.
