Hi, I’m Nancy. I have been treated by the same p-doc for 20 years for bipolar disorder. I had a rocky childhood but I feel like that’s true of alot of people. 5 years ago I lost my mom in a difficult situation. But people lose loved ones all the time. I lost my little brother 2 years later but he had a chronic illness that was anticipated. I lost my dad, the one person I felt loved me unconditionally, 2 years ago. I lost 2 dogs, I was a prinary caregiver for one who should have been put down but I respected my husband’s wishes. My retina tore
and I lost my vision (and my independence) in one eye. I recovered from the surgery and took on a career change to minimize travel and make my husband happy, hit menopause, got long COVID and started to notice weird things at home. My husband, that I have always said I married because he was incapable of hurting anyone or doing anything moraly wrong, was in an emotionally intimate relationship with a co-worker. When I finally forced an admission, I moved out with the genuine intent that he could spend some time and decide what made him happy and we would work through things. I threw myself into my career but I started struggling with hygiene, executive functioning skills and basic reliability. As things got worse and worse, I had a complete breakdown in October. I could not
perform my job duties, cried constantly, disassociated from interactions, gained weight and felt worse every day. During our marriage he realy pushed on the principles of family over friends and that with family you always have someone to depend on. His parents are wonderful, but they still belong to him. I have nothing - very few lukewarm friendships, no family, no spouse, no employment and I’m beginning to lose any form of hope.I don’t know what’s worse right now, my anxiety or depression. I know there are others out there that have gone through more than I have. I’m asking for advice, help, understanding.