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Preventing the Loneliness that Comes with Depression

Self-Care

October 30, 2024

Photography by Visual Spectrum/Stocksy United

Photography by Visual Spectrum/Stocksy United

by Elizabeth Drucker

•••••

Medically Reviewed by:

Bethany Juby, PsyD

•••••

by Elizabeth Drucker

•••••

Medically Reviewed by:

Bethany Juby, PsyD

•••••

Loneliness has been one of the hardest parts of my battle with depression. Over time, I’ve discovered a few strategies that help ease the feeling and give me that sense of connection when I need it most.

Sadness may be the most painful part of depression. When I’m experiencing the sadness that comes with depression, I feel like nobody can understand what I’m going through. And I mean nobody.

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Feeling alone and misunderstood

My mom is a psychotherapist, but I still feel like she just doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I remember what it feels like to not understand. When I was growing up, someone was describing the symptoms of depression, saying that they were so exhausted that they couldn’t even muster the energy to brush their teeth. I couldn’t grasp that back when I was 10 years old, racing my bike down our driveway as fast as I could.

But as I got older, I quickly realized that I was in that vortex that nobody could understand. Even when I was in the middle of a group of people, I still felt all alone and misunderstood.

My friends at school couldn’t understand what I was going through. In every grade, ranging from elementary school to high school, I hung out with the guidance counselors. And even when I went to the guidance counselor’s office, I was told that I needed to stay in my classes.

I felt lonely and like nobody understood how much I was struggling.

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How I’ve found relief from the loneliness

And then I was admitted to a child and adolescent psychiatric unit. Suddenly, I felt significantly less lonely. We were all stuck behind the same locked door, having to dish in group psychotherapy. I’d never been around other people my age who were struggling with depression and anxiety. We all did school together and choked down the mac ‘n cheese that made my throat burn.

I realized how important seeking out company and connection is when the loneliness feels overwhelming. Over the years of experiencing such deep loneliness, I’ve found a few strategies that give me the sympathy and understanding that I crave — including options when friends or loved ones aren’t available.

Joining a support group

A support group is a helpful way to be around other people who share the same difficulties that you do. There are support groups for all sorts of problems and in many different communities.

Try checking out the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) group in your community. Another group is the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA).

You’ll likely meet all sorts of people: those who are dealing with depression and those who have family members with mood disorders. They meet at hospitals and libraries, among other places, and service many different issues.

Watching a movie

Even in the age of streaming Netflix and Hulu, it can be helpful to get dressed and go to your local movie theater. The experience of being around other people can help boost your mood.

The moviegoing experience prevents you from thinking about the loneliness of depression, as you sit with handfuls of other people. In addition to being around other people, you’ll be distracted by that large screen and the crunch of the buttery popcorn.

Getting my hair done

I always feel better — and less lonely — when I go to the salon and get my hair colored and cut. I chat with my hairstylist about current events, movies we’ve seen, and books we’ve read. I’ve seen the same stylist for many years, so this familiarity brings feelings of connection to my day.

Going to the bookstore or library

There’s something soothing about sitting at a café at your local bookstore. I like to go there when I’m feeling lonely and want to be around other people.

I enjoy strolling through the aisles of the bookstore to check out books that I want to read. Sometimes I’ll grab a few magazines and settle in at the café. Sometimes I’ll chat with other people about the books we’re both reading.

Calling my best friend

When I’m feeling particularly crappy and need to be around the people who care about me the most, it can be helpful to call a friend to go to the mall, the movies, or just hang out. Even just chatting on the phone can help fulfill that craving for connection.

Being proactive is important — mobilize your resources and hang out with your besties.

Visiting with my family

I’m lucky that family is always something I can turn to. When I’m particularly lonely, I call my mom. We chat on the phone for a while, until I’m feeling better, and sometimes meet up for lunch or dinner, or to go to the mall to shop or see a movie.

My mom’s my best friend, and she helps me cope with whatever problem I’m facing. I know that when I’m lonely, she will drop whatever she’s doing to help me feel better.

Takeaway

Loneliness is a major part of depression, but there are ways to ease the sensation, even when it feels impossible.

It’s important to try and explore strategies and coping skills that might help you feel more connected. Reminding ourselves that we aren’t alone is crucial, even if it’s just for a moment.

Medically reviewed on October 30, 2024

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Connect with thousands of members and find support through daily live chats, curated resources, and one-to-one messaging.

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