Challenging negative thoughts and limiting alcohol are some ways you can manage your social anxiety. Read on for more tips that can help you work towards overcoming it.
Social anxiety disorder can
- talking with coworkers
- buying groceries
- eating in public
- going on dates
Completely overcoming social anxiety may seem like a large task. If you don’t know where to start, the following eight strategies offer a place to begin.
You may
- help you identify social anxiety triggers
- teach helpful coping strategies, social skills, and relaxation techniques
- offer guidance on reframing negative thoughts
Therapy also offers a safe environment to practice navigating anxiety-provoking situations through gradual exposure.
Your therapist may also recommend group therapy or support groups, which give you the chance to practice social skills and interact with other people who also have social anxiety.
Pinpointing why and when you feel most anxious can help you manage those feelings.
You may feel anxious in situations where you worry about others judging you. On the other hand, you could feel fine being around others — as long as they don’t expect you to share your thoughts.
Start by listing situations that cause the most discomfort. Then, identify the symptoms you experience in those situations.
If you are aware of what you are dealing with, you can manage your symptoms more effectively.
For example, if you feel lightheaded or dizzy, try slowing your breathing. You can also try a grounding technique, which can help you refocus and stay in the present.
You may spend a lot of time thinking about the potential negative outcomes of social situations. These things happen on occasion, and they can cause some short-term discomfort.
But even if you do make a small social blunder, that doesn’t mean other people will look down on you. Understanding the spotlight effect — the tendency to think others notice your mistakes more than they actually do — can also go a long way toward easing feelings of social anxiety.
When you begin to feel overwhelmed by anxious thoughts, try challenging and replacing them with more helpful ones through a technique called realistic thinking.
An exercise in realistic thinking
Your coworkers invited you to their monthly happy hour. You’d like to get to know them better, but you feel anxious that you might say or do something that affects their opinion of you.
Consider these questions and how you might answer them:
- What makes me believe I’ll say something embarrassing? I did once before, and people laughed.
- How many times have I spent time with other people and not said anything embarrassing? More than I can count.
- What’s the worst that could happen? Why am I so afraid of this? I want them to like me, not think I’m weird.
- Have you ever heard someone say something silly or awkward in public? How did you respond? I felt bad for them, but they laughed it off, and no one seemed to care.
- What if you responded in the same way? They’d probably think I’m a good sport.
- What would you tell a friend worrying about the same thing? People will like you, or they won’t. Making a mistake or joke that falls flat probably won’t affect their opinion overall.
When it comes to managing social anxiety, it’s OK to start with little changes. You don’t have to volunteer to lead a meeting or strike up a conversation with everyone you meet.
A few ideas to try:
- skip the self-checkout and make small talk with the cashier
- ask a question in class
- compliment a co-worker’s outfit
- host a small gathering for close friends and loved ones — socializing in your own space can help you feel more comfortable
Some people also find it helpful to reframe anxious thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I feel so nervous about tonight,” try thinking, “I’m so excited to see what people are like outside of work!”
Ask a trusted friend or family member to role-play some everyday conversations with you.
Practicing ways to overcome potential negative outcomes can help you feel more prepared to handle them if they come up.
Here are a few scenarios you may consider:
- explaining an item you’re looking for to a store employee
- pronouncing a name wrong and then being corrected
- giving the wrong answer in a work meeting
- tripping in front of people
To get more familiar with best- and worst-case outcomes, ask your conversation partner to offer different positive, negative, or neutral reactions.
Relaxation exercises, such as breath control, can help calm these physical reactions. They can help manage the symptoms you experience.
4-7-8 breathing
- Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4 seconds.
- Hold the breath for 7 seconds.
- Exhale slowly for a count of 8 seconds.
Progressive muscle relaxation
- Slowly tense each group of muscles in your body, beginning with your toes.
- Hold the tension for a count of 5 seconds.
- Slowly exhale as you release the tension. Focus on the new looseness in your muscles for a count of 10 seconds, breathing slowly.
- Move on to the next muscle group and repeat.
A small amount of alcohol can help you feel more relaxed, but alcohol can also intensify feelings of anxiety.
If you regularly use alcohol to manage social anxiety symptoms, you could eventually reach a point where you find it impossible to socialize without alcohol. You might also end up needing to drink more to see the same effects.
Consider trying a mindful drinking approach, which involves awareness of when and how much you drink, as well as how it makes you feel.
Try not to engage in behaviors that may keep you from participating in social interactions. For example:
- washing dishes and preparing food by yourself at parties
- encouraging the other person to talk only about themselves
- standing near the edge of a group
- looking down at your phone
You might feel safer in a crowd when you show up without really engaging, but this will not help you overcome your social anxiety. It will be difficult for others to get to know you unless you make a concerted effort to interact.
Letting go of these behaviors may feel challenging at first, but continued effort will help you improve your relationships.
While it can be daunting at first, making a few changes can help you make steps toward overcoming your social anxiety.
Some things you can do include identifying situations where you feel anxious and trying relaxation techniques when you feel overwhelmed.
Keep in mind that overcoming your social anxiety won’t happen all at once. Everyone is different, and it is perfectly OK to go at your own pace.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
